Communication Tips

Talk with your partner when you’re both calm  

• It’s easier to say what you mean when you’re not upset, angry, or having big feelings. 

Talk about your feelings and what’s important to you 

• Tell your partner how you’re feeling without blaming them.
  • “I feel worried about STIs. It’s important to me that we use protection, so I’m going to start using condoms every time we have sex.”
• Ask your partner how they are feeling.
  • “How did you feel about that clinic visit? I know sometimes doctor visits are hard.”
  • “You seem distracted. How are you feeling? Is anything bothering you?”
  • “I appreciate that you started taking birth control so we don’t have to worry about pregnancy. How do you feel about it? Do you need anything from me?” 

Ask your partner questions 

• Ask about your partner’s side of the story, even if you think you already know.
  • “What made you upset about...?”
  • “What did you think was happening when...?”
• Don’t tell them what to do. Instead, ask what they are thinking and hoping.
  • “That situation with your mom sounds really stressful. Do you have any idea what you want to do? How do you hope it turns out?” 

Compromise when you want different things 

• Find the parts that you both agree about.
• Talk about how both people can get at least part of what they want.
• Decide what you will do if your partner won’t compromise.
• Think about the things you are not willing to compromise about. You never have to make a compromise that you don’t want. 

Source: Stepping Stones – Improving Relationships and Sexual Health (Public Health – Seattle & King County)