Staying Calm When Things Get Heated

It’s easy to get into a fight without meaning to. It helps to calm down before you talk. Here are some tips to help you stay calm even if things are getting tense.  

Respect personal space  

• Don’t crowd each other or throw things.  
• Make sure no one is blocking the door, so that everyone can easily leave. 

Take responsibility 

• Apologize if you have done something wrong or hurt the other person, even if you did not mean to. 

Be respectful 

• Speak respectfully, even if the other person isn’t. 
• Ask questions to get their side of the story. 
• Don’t call names, insult them, threaten them, or say things just to hurt them. 

Be straightforward 

• Tell the other person how you feel. 
• Don’t bring up issues from the past to hurt them. 
• Keep things short, simple, and to the point. 

Take a time-out  

• Take a break to calm down. Agree on a time and place to talk again.  
• Let the other person know you want to find a solution that suits both of you.  
• Use the time-out to do things that help you calm down, like going for a walk, taking a shower, doing art, watching TV, or playing a video game.  

Source: Stepping Stones – Improving Relationships and Sexual Health (Public Health – Seattle & King County)